Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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