The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
