He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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