i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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