i think i have two assholes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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