So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
