I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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