Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
