look no pants
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
