dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
