wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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