I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
