I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
