I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
