so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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