you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
