entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
