You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
