so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ladies don't puke and tell
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
