I can't breathe out the right side of my face
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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