sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
