i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will be naked everywhere
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
