I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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