I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
