You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
