I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
