dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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