Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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