i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
