her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
