I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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