I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the day after is always just damage control
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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