I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize