i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
