At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
