I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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