I'm lost and stupid without you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
