Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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