It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
