i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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