I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
