3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dicks are not precious.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
