I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
