Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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