omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
