Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
