Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
