Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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