Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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