Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
