so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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