no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Boobs are out for the taking
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
