i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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