i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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