Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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