**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
