So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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