please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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