so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
