i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
