So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
