Can Purell be used as lube?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize