I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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