apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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