dude i'm inner monologue high
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
