oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
