Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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