my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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