we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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