dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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